Your face is a jimmy john
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
