you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Randomize
