I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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