You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
