Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
