It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
