why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
