I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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