I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
