i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
found the other keg... it's in the tree
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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