just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
