Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
