Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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