I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
This house was built for laser tag.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
At least life still wants to fuck me.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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