You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
