i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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