is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
