If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Your cock deserves a montage
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
