I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
This girl is more easily done than said...
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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