Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
