just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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