Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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