happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
