sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
