Hey man sorry I got all grabby
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
