You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
