He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
