ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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