Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
