You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
