nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
