Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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