listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
