Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
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