Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
