Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
