What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
