i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
