And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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