im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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