I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
