So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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