did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
