Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
