The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
