Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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