i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
