The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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