Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
