I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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