I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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