well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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