god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
How external is "for external use only"?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
