I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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