Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
