I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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