1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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